Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
