Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
