I got chris browned last night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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