Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
