I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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