I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
