youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
