He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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