started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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