Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
