I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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