I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
