he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
