After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
