Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
