Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize