Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
this hospital has no fireball
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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