I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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