Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
