I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
