So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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