When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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