Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
