If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
