My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
