he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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