so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
