hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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