I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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