You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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