so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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