maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
