so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
