Me too!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am one with the molecules
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Two words: nipple clamps
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