He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Less talking, more tequila
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
my poor anus
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
