i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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