Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
