Old men and throwing up are my life now.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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