Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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