my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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