guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
