saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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