the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
