You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
