Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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