The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I want a musical about memes.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
