Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
