to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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