Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So many bounce houses so little time
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
