today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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