a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
