so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
did i just pee glitter
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