who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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