Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
