you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
