well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
