Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
