I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
