Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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