i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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