He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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