I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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