I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
