Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just cropdusted the office
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
