I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize