You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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