I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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