Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
